After realizing that Mason had autism, Charlie and I were suddenly faced with a lot of what now questions. One of the ones at the forefront of our minds was deciding how to best tell our relatives about Mase.
Charlie and I talked about having the family over for dinner and sharing the news over a hot meal. Later we discussed sending a group text. Then we thought for a mere moment about not telling them at all. If we didn’t want them treating Mason any differently, then wouldn’t it be best to just keep it to ourselves to ensure he didn’t get treated differently?
But in the end we decided that it was best that our whole family know Mason the way we know him. We knew there were things about Mase that our family already had questions and concerns about and it was time that we openly addressed them. We also understood that Mase would likely need accommodations to be made because he had different needs than most, and including the family in on those needs would undoubtedly benefit Mason. So tell them we would.
However, after much deliberation we came to realize that it wasn’t quite fair for us to share this news about Mason and in a way we wanted him to share his diagnosis. So Mason sent his relatives a letter (email) and we’d love to share it with you.
Hi Family!
My name is Mason Armstrong. I know we’ve obviously met many times before, but today I wanted to formally introduce myself.
Mom and Dad recently discovered that I have autism. Since then my parents have both dived head first into the world of autism and have been researching unceasingly ever since they found out I showed many signs and symptoms. Mom and dad have both said several times that they feel like they’re meeting me for the very first time and that they understand so much more about me and my behavior. After talking about it, mom and dad thought it would be a good idea for you all to also gain a little insight into me and how my brain uniquely works.
You might have noticed that I struggle to make or maintain eye contact. It isn’t that I don’t love you or that I don’t want to engage with you, but I struggle to understand exactly how to engage socially. My brain is wired differently than others when it comes to social interaction and communication and eye contact isn’t something that comes easily to me. Likewise, I struggle to understand facial expressions and emotions. If you smile at me, I might not smile back because I haven’t yet come to understand exactly what a smile is and what it means. Often times people describe autistic children as kiddos that can, “look right through you.” I don’t try to do that. But if I do please don’t take it personally. I’m still learning and I’m going to have to learn many more social skills as I grow up, so please have patience with me. But please also do not ignore me just because it looks like I’m ignoring you. You’re continual strive to engage with me is helping me learn!
I am also working to understand tone change. If you change your tone with me, for example, if I’m playing with the blinds (something I’m not supposed to do) and you firmly tell me ,”No!” I can’t yet distinguish the change from your everyday tone to your disciplinary tone. I also struggle to understand words and their meanings. Even more simple words such as, “no, stop, wait, milk, bed, bye-bye,” don’t quite mean anything to me yet and might not for some time. But keep those words coming! You all will be my biggest help when it comes to learning how to communicate and interact with others.
My body sometimes acts without my permission. Pacing back and forth, twirling my hands, and flapping my arms, are just a few of the things that my body sometimes does without me telling it to. I have a lot of these seemingly goofy movements. It’s called, “stimming” and my stims will likely change and evolve as I grow. Usually stimming means I’m happy and excited. Other times stimming is my way of calming myself down in unfamiliar or overwhelming situations and environments. If you see me stimming, please don’t stop me. Mom and dad are aware of my stims and always talk about how beautiful and unique they are. Mommy always says, “Our house is a stim safe zone.” I like that mom and dad created an environment where I can be myself.
However, sometimes I get so worked up and excited that I’ll stim by slamming my head against the wall. When I’m stimming I can greatly harm myself because I don’t register pain the same way most people do. If you see me repeatedly hitting my head against something, or doing something unusual that might be causing me pain, please help me stop so I don’t harm myself further.
Like the involuntary movements, I also make involuntary noises. I tend to yell a lot and make all kinds of funny noises with my mouth–I know they are super cute, but try to also keep in mind that these noises are my way of trying to communicate with you. When I start screaming loudly, I might be trying to drown out loud sounds that are hurting my ears—loud noises easily overstimulate me. When I make repetitive “mmm” sounds or repeat certain words/sounds like my, “go-go-go”, my body could either be doing this involuntarily and reacting to my environment, or I might be making them purposefully to get your attention. Because I can’t yet speak, I might try and communicate by babbling or yelling. I’m still trying to learn how to best communicate my needs and you acknowledging me will help me learn that my babbles/words have power.
Yelling is also my way of just being a toddler and throwing a tantrum like I do every time mom doesn’t let me into the kitchen. After all, I am only two years old and tantrums are a right of passage for my age group.
Another way you can help care for me is to hold my hand while walking alongside me. I’m a clumsy walker due to my low muscle tone and I don’t like sitting still for long. I can get easily excited and love to break off into a run. So please take hold of my hand if you see me getting too worked up, or headed down a hill or for some stairs. I will probably try to pull my hand free from yours, but your hand is very helpful in keeping me calm and steadying me when I get a touch too excitable or daring. Holding my hand also keeps me from putting myself into dangerous situations. I don’t have a concept of danger and will run for the street if I’m not stopped. Please help my mom and dad by keeping a close eye on me and reminding me what is dangerous and what is safe.
Some of my favorite things to do are to play outside and touch different textures. I love feeling the pavement and then going to feel the grass or a tree trunk. You’ll find that some textures upset me while others enthrall me. I am very hands on. I also like to play with specific parts of a toy rather than the whole toy. For instance if you hand me a toy truck, I’ll probably only play with one specific wheel by spinning it and watching it intently. I love objects that spin! I also love watching things from different angles. Recently I’ve discovered that I love watching the TV upside down.
I will be head over heels happy if you’ll push me on the swing! Swings are one of my favorite things along with music and movies, all of which help calm me when I get too worked up over something.
I love gospel music and if you’ve spent any time at my house, you likely already know which movies I enjoy. I usually watch the same ones over and over again. This is because I thrive on strict routines and don’t tend to enjoy trying new things. Although I won’t be happy about it, you will greatly help me my gently pushing me outside of my comfort zone every now and again. I need you to respect my routine, but if you also don’t introduce me to new ways of doing things, or new snacks and songs, I’ll never branch out. Just have patience with me as I work to expand my horizons.
I could go on and on about how specially made I am by God. But you will learn more and more about me everyday as I grow. Mom and Dad are my biggest advocates and know me best. If you ever feel confused, worried, or curious about something I’m doing or not doing, please feel free to ask my parents. Because I’m very sensitive to sound, textures, and changes in my routine, please also talk to my mom and dad before exposing me to something new or something that might be too exciting or scary for me.
Mom and Dad are still very new to this. Please pray for them as they walk this journey with me. Sometimes it is going to be very emotional and difficult. I’ll likely require a lot of different specialists, therapies, and many accommodations throughout my life. Mom and dad just want the best for me. They’ll need their family and friends to lean on. I’ll also need a lot of prayer and patience as I navigate this world through my unique lens.
Above everything else, please remember that I am still the same, goofy, Mason that you’ve all known and loved for the last eighteen months. This autism label does not define me. I’m still a silly, excitable, fun loving toddler. However, I’m so excited that you and I will be able to bond on a deeper level now that you know about my autism. Thank you for your help and understanding as I learn and grow!
I love you all so much. -Massey Moo
Busy Boy-Momma 